I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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