i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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