Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
