Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
