If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
