Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
