3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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