She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
