I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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