I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
