Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
