I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
