i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
