i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
