i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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