marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
your thong is hanging out like whoa
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
