I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
