Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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