If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
