ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Soap is not a condiment
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
