I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
