No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
