she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize