she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
