So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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