She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize