In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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