So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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