I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
