Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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