Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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