Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
