Banned from zoo.
Again?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize