I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm both gender and math confused
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
