i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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