So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
