she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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