There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize