sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
