oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
