i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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