The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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