I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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