she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
