just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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