i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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