I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My vagina just recognized that song.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am available for nakedness
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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