Whod you bang
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
