if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
