When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
