look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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