I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
