can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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