I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
