I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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