So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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