Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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