You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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