i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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