were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize