You're completely useless in the revolution.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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