'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
