there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just found puke in my bra..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
