Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Someone signed my nipple.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
