The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
