I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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