dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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