So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
