it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize