you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
