His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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