Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize