ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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