Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize