Christians are straight up FREAKS
im drinking this country out of the recession.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Shame - the story of my life.
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